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”“She had an affair with your next-door neighbor, I think?“Yeah,” I replied. “That’s who she moved in with, and she’s living there with him, now. She was lonely, and he was available—really available, as it turns out. To be fair to her, she did tell me that I wasn’t paying enough attention to her. I thought she was just complaining, and I utterly failed to understand the intensity of her need, which I am not, to be brutally honest with myself, capable of supplying. I loved her—still love her, in a way—but what I need in a partner is someone who doesn’t need all of me, all of the time. What worries me is that that’s what makes me unloveable: that, in order to be loved, you need to be able to let everything else in your life drop, if it turns out that your partner feels she isn’t getting enough of you, because I don’t think I’m capable of being happy in that kind of relationship.”Lindsay said, “Wow. Thank you for your honesty.” Then she frowned. “Have you told your wife that? I mean,. ’ His tone was rough and stilted and I felt my heart soften immediately. ‘I’m sorry,’ I interjected thickly. ‘I’m not done.’ I nodded again, eyebrows raised in confused anticipation. ‘Okay,’ he said, ‘so, losing my best friend, which is bad enough. But the reason that I froze up – and I’ve thought a lot about this – the reason I froze up so much and I just couldn’t make myself apologize is that you are so, so so much more than my best friend.’ My mouth opened again to ask what he meant but I found myself totally frozen, eyes locked to his like a lifeline. ‘You’re beautiful, you know,’ he said, and it came out rushed and a little uncomfortable. Before I could reply, he continued, ‘No, you really are. You are so beautiful. I don’t know how I didn’t realize sooner. And you’re wonderful and smart and responsible and just generally fantastic, and the last two months have been the hardest months of my life. Not talking with you – not being with you – makes me feel like half my soul is.
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